Still Waiting

Monday, July 03, 2006

to tiAn,
i can tell u tt aft last time's major quarrel, i didnt mind u n him together anymore. anyway, in the first place i didnt really mind u n him together. i just felt tt aft u get together with him(aft 2 months or so) u seem to be separating further from us already. anyway, dun break up with him for frenship. its not worth it cos it makes u worse off. and now wad im not really pleased abt is this. as u noe, so far all our outings, u are not present. and even after school meetings... u have not come with us. if u really counted and remembered when is the last time we tagged together, it was one month plus aft u got together with tk. (sry no offence against tk k, no hard feelings) i find it very hard too, to spare time for friends, for gab, for family aft i got tgth with him. and the answer seem to be very simple. just get my bf n my friends tgth. isnt it simple? and i felt sad partly cos of tk's reluctance to mix with us. i've always tot tt as close and true gfs, we would be sharing everything tgth(of cos i dun mean bf lah) and wad i mean is those.. can know everything abt u. when u get upset over bf or wad, we'll be the first to know and aft tt, we'll go on to scold or settle scores with tt guy. u get wad i mean? moreover u guys are aiming for long term. so... must we wait till the day the both of u get married then we can get him to talk to us?

aft being friends for so long, im sure u get wads the meaning of maintaining a friendship. it is not just simply finding some days off a month and talk. u know, we always talk abt problems eg with family or how we quarrel with bf while walking around aft sch. moreover, now we're all in diff classes its getting more n more difficult to keep in touch.sometimes when i see u i feel sad. tt is bcos, i dun seem to know u anymore. i used to know where ur sis is n when is she coming back, wad sms u have and i'll help u delete those extra ones tt keep ur phone lagging. i even know wads ur planning for one month later. still remember the time we went swimming in sec sch? the first time i had feet cramps and the one i'll ask to save me is u.

maybe it may also be due to different cultures of us. we are those who seldom talk abt studies, and hate to talk abt it as well. but with u.. seems like the easiest topic to say is studies. this is those topics i talk abt to my tuition acquaintances. haiz. i told gabriel abt my problem with u recently too. he keep telling me to tell u the truth and talk things out. but will things get any better? or will i be hurting u more yet cant heal it? i have doubts about an optimistic outcome.

i suppose u noe tt in our gang, our culture is tt those with bf we will just leave them behind, like how we did for jy n lawrence in sec sch.. hahaha. even when i go out with gab n hui they all, we sometimes will be lagging behind. but it is becos gab often hangs around us tt he's starting to become a part of us, like shermaine like tt. u noe? i hope u understand bah. its like.. friendship this kinda things is not over night. it takes a lot of commitment, just like u n tk's relationship. so, i suppose u have to try to spend more time with us in order to salvage our relationship. but well, perhaps its cos of our differents attitudes bah. u're more hardworking and have so much more commitments den me. however i still have extra spare time cos i seldom give it to studies.

in the past, i will keep smsing u and asking u whether u wanna join us aft sch. but as time passes and we get more n more busy, it seems like u were less able to make it for our aft sch outings and it made me very disappointed. so i gave up asking u, cos everytime i ask u i'll get a disappointing result. (haha u noe my temper, i get angry and disappointed easily. moreover, i have to keep planning abt outings and stuff for u guys, and i have to bring 3 grps together-- me gab hui cy ed cl hen, u n tk, jy n law.... and now i've decided tt nxt time i shant start anymore outings already. perhaps its cos im too inflexible, too lousy of a coordinator, and had too high expectations. like ytd, go sentosa's beach is definitely gg to swim n play in the water. but ytd i was sooo disappointed. only me n gab went in. i felt so sad and wondered if it was me who organised too lousily or tt they are just not sporting enuff. ytd wasnt the fun i had expected.)but of cos, it is also due to us having the same cca so we get more time together without making too much effort. its is a disadv to u, i know it. and i can say tt the drift u feel between us is cos u've missed out too much time with us. too much. ok, i shall do my part by smsing u whether u can make it for any outings we have. but of cos, whether u wanna go annot is up to u lah.. if u're busy den its okay. we will understand.

aft so much had happened, i think i will really really give up on so much hopes abt getting a full gang together, as well as planning too much.its just too much disappointing i'll get. not only from u lah, of cos disappointment from others with their lack of initiative and enthusiam. and tts quite a lot. again, like ytd, i came up of the water two times to ask u guys to get down into the water. but all just kept quiet and didnt even replied me. i guess u all didnt know tt, but i cried. cos its really hard to get u guys moving. really difficult. so i made up my mind to give everything up already, in case i'll get even more sad and disappointing in future(seriously im not shooting at u leh. of cos im talking to ppl like chang yu and eddie. oops. u noe they are lazy and they will continue to be. =p) haha, a hard habit to change to a non-organiser, esp aft 5 years and 6 months of friendship as well as organising. k bah. sometimes i know u have real reasons valid enuff and i cant force u. think its my stubborness that made me upset and angry so all this accumulated. yups. tts all. cya soon.

hailing.

-when are you coming back? ;